Harry Potter Murders Dolores Umbridge
by StevenTLawson
Summary: A short crackish one shot about the Boy-Who-Live and the Woman-In-Pink.


Harry sighed as he set down the blood quill, he was at most an hour into this detention, at some point he had lost track of how many he had with the toad. "Hem hem, Mr. Potter," Dolores sneered. "Your detention is not over, get back to your punishment."

"No, I don't think I will professor, because I think the two of us need to have a talk," Harry replied, his face impassive as stone as he looked his tormentor in the eyes. "A real talk, no hem hem's from you and no bullshit from me, how about that?"

Dolores rolled her eyes. "And why should I do that?"

"Because despite how much you are pretending to not care, you really are interested in hearing me out," Harry smirked. "Come on, five minutes, that's all I need."

"Very well then, no bullshit," Dolores scoffed as she folded her arms.

"I want to know more about you Dolores," Harry started. "I mean, what makes you tick, Undersecretary to the Minister, Hogwarts' first High Inquisitor since the end of the Spanish Inquesition. Yes, that is correct, Hermione checked. I must say, you'll have quite an impressive obituary," Harry darkly said.

"Is that a threat Mr. Potter," Dolores asked, fury in her eyes as she concocted new ways to punish the boy for his insolence.

"Not really, I mean I am planning to kill you after this but I have to know what motivates you to do this," Harry said as he quickly drew his wand and bound Dolores to her chair using the same spell Dumbledore had used on Barty Crouch Jr. after the tournament.

"You will release me at once and face expulsion, then Azkaban for attacking a ministry official," Dolores screeched.

Harry shook his head. "No, I don't think I will. And don't think about calling for a house-elf either, turns out even the house elves at Hogwarts don't like you and a favor from Dobby will make sure they don't answer your calls," he informed her as he drug his chair across the floor to sit next to her.

"And since you silenced your own office and kicked out all the portraits, there's no one to here our conversation now, is there," Harry chuckled as Dolores' eyes widened in fear. "Ahh, there it is, the realization."

Harry quickly stood up from his chair and walked around the room, looking at little knick-knacks and curios. "So the important question, based on all of this and why you're here, you know I'm not lying when I say Voldemort is alive again. I mean, if you thought I was lying you would just let me keep spouting it unimpeded, and after nothing happened, I'd have done the job of making myself look like a crazy person."

Harry walked back and massaged Umbridge's shoulders. "And because you know I'm not lying about that, then I have to wonder why you, a half-blood are doing everything you can to keep that knowledge suppressed?"

"It can't be because you are expecting this to go quietly, he started a war last time, and how is that going to look once he does make an appearance, hmm," Harry asked. "All those prophet articles defaming me, attacking me, but that's just the Daily Prophet, a faceless entity, they'll just switch gears to praising me once he shows his ugly head."

"But you, oh no, people will remember you, the first High Inquisitor that tortured Harry Potter to suppress information about Voldemort's return, that's going to destroy your reputation, any legacy you dreamed of having washed away. Because if I win, you look like a traitor, if he wins, well Tom's always been a bit of a lunatic, so maybe your death will be quick."

Dolores was sweating heavily as she listened to Harry, what he said was mostly true, Fudge, the useful idiot had ordered her to keep Potter quiet, to get him to stop telling conspiracy theories about Voldemort being back. Something she initially took to heart, but she'd seen the writing on the wall, the disappearances, the trafficking of funds, i.e. extra bribes for Fudge from all those poor "imperiused" death eaters. She was never a death eater, because she was a half-blood and she know it was only a matter of time for when the mudbloods were gone that the pure bloods would turn on them next, didn't stop her from hating the mudbloods and adoring all the wealth and power that the purebloods had, which is why she served Fudge so diligently, it allowed her to use his political position for her personal benefit.

"Come Dolores, I would like to hear you try and weasel your way out of this," Harry laughed maniacally as he stopped and sat back in his chair his wand trained on her.

"Mr. Potter, I don't want to die," Dolores whispered as she started weeping. "I just," she cried.

"Just what Dolores, wanted to torture a few kids, maybe ruin some careers," Harry finished for her. "Really worth it to turn almost the entire school against you, I can tell you from experience it's not fun, and both times it happened to me, it wasn't even my fault, but you," Harry waggled his finger. "Oh no this was all you."

Harry paused his chastisement. "Well it would seem our time is up, I need to finish my punishment and you need to start yours. Since I'm such a nice guy I'll even use the killing curse, funny enough the last dark arts professor taught us that, and loathe as I am to admit it, a death eater has probably been the most instructive professor we've ever had for that class."

"Please Mr. Potter, I'll be good," Umbridge begged as she recognized that look on his face. The face one makes when staring at an insect before they crush it, the kind that does not care about what they are doing and are simply doing it because it needs to be done. "I'll give you anything."

"That's good, I'll take your life then," Harry said. "Avada Kedavra," he firmly said. The sickly green light erupted out of his wand, bathing the room in it unearthly glow. Dolores struggled to move out of the way of the spell when it struck her and she fell limp. Harry hummed to himself, seemingly at the novelty of how quick that was. He simply sat down and picked up the blood quill once more and began writing lines again. "Hem hem, Dolores, no sleeping on the job."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Just wanted to put out a quick one shot, kind of wanted to do a "Evil Harry" story and figured just a short scene between Harry and Dolores would be interesting based on Harry getting fed up with the woman.

Not really supposed to be canon compliant or make too much sense, just a bit cathartic to have her die.


End file.
